


Yet Here I Sit

by Transformersfan123



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Ashamed, Avengers - Freeform, Bruce Banner - Freeform, Emotional, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional pain, Friendship, Gen, Hiding, Honesty, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Memories, Pain, Pepper Potts - Freeform, Shame, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, Talking, Truth, gun - Freeform, painful, painful truth
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-09
Updated: 2018-01-09
Packaged: 2019-03-02 22:18:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,039
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13327506
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Transformersfan123/pseuds/Transformersfan123
Summary: He never spent much time with her. Never saw her much. Yet, she was the one there when he needed somebody. He just wished she hadn't found him like this.





	Yet Here I Sit

**Author's Note:**

> This story is now posted in audio form on YouTube.

Bruce Banner knew he had terrible luck. From the accident to having to leave his girlfriend, bad luck had followed him for years. Now, as he stood frozen in shock and embarrassment with Pepper staring at him in horror, he was sure he was cursed. The room was silent for a few heartbeats and then she screamed.

"What in the _hell_ are you doing?"

Bruce slowly pulled the gun out of his mouth, smacking his lips as the cold metal left his lips, and the taste lingered on his tongue. Still moving slowly, as if moving too fast would spook her, he lowered the weapon to his bed and stepped away from it. Pepper was still staring at him, her bottom lip quivering.

"Well?" she demanded harshly.

There was a short pause. "You know perfectly well what I was doing," he finally said in a soft voice.

She blinked and asked the one question he didn't want to hear. "Why?"

Bruce looked away, biting his lower lip as tears threatened to spill out of his eyes. Pepper stayed back for a moment before walking forward, knowing with that sense a woman has that he needed to open up and let it out. After she'd moved the gun as far out of the doctor's reach as she could, she guided him to the bed, sat beside him, and waited. After sitting in awkward silence for minutes on end, he finally began to speak in a broken voice.

"The experiment failed," he whimpered. "It was the last hope for the lead I've been following for over a year. I have to start all over again. I just got to thinking about how the next one's probably going to be another dead end, and the one after that, and the one after that, and…and I lost it."

"Oh, Bruce," Pepper said gently. "I know you don't like…the Other Guy, but not finding a cure isn't a reason to end your life."

Bruce laughed bitterly. "It probably wouldn't. God knows I've tried enough to know it's pointless."

Pepper stared at him, partly curious and partly scared for him. "How many times have you tried?" she queried.

"Not counting this time? I'm up to fourteen," Bruce muttered. "Threw myself off a cliff twice, tried to drown myself once, tried to hang myself once, took an overdose of toxic drugs twice, tried to stab my heart once, threw myself in front of a train once (and it didn't end well for the train), plunged my hands into a power station and blacked out a section of New York once, drank down a gallon of bleach once, and put a bullet into my head four times. Yet here I sit. The Other Guy stopped me every time."

Pepper sat there, staring at the quiet, reserved doctor and wasn't sure if she was sickened, shocked, amazed, or a combination of all of them. To have tried that many times, and in so many ways, to kill yourself...she just couldn't imagine it. She placed a warm hand on his arm, unsure of how to respond. Banner laughed again, soft and angry.

"I can see it in your eyes," he hissed. "You're not sure how to act around me. Other people tend to be fearful. When in doubt around me, just be afraid."

"I…I would be lying if I said I wasn't afraid of, well not you, more _him_ , but I think you're an amazing man. You're intelligent and charming when you want to be, and I know Tony loves talking science with you. If you'd just get your head out of the lab every once in a while and spend time with us, you'll feel better."

Bruce glanced at her. "I know Tony's crazy enough to spend time with me, but you? You seem like a smart woman."

"Maybe some of his craziness has leaked over," she said with a smile. "Now, you're going to come and spend the evening with us. No excuses. Be in the living room at seven-thirty."

Bruce smiled warmly at her, the smile not quite reaching his sad eyes. "Alright. Anything for a lovely lady."

Pepper stood up and walked to the door. She paused before she touched the button to open it and turned to look at him again.

"I almost forgot why I came in here. You left this in the lab," she said, handing him a piece of paper with formulas written all over it.

"Oh. Thanks," he muttered, walking over to her and taking it. "Um, would you mind not mentioning this to anybody? I…" he trailed off awkwardly.

"Only if you never try it again. If you're ever feeling low, come to me. I'll listen," Pepper said sternly.

"Alright," Bruce said, lying easily; he felt guilty when he saw she believed him.

After she left, he stared at the paper, full of proof of his latest failure. His chest tightened and he walked over, grabbing the gun, which Pepper had obviously forgotten about. He gazed at it for a moment then placed it in his mouth again.

How long he stood there like that, his finger lightly pressing the trigger, he wasn't sure. When he looked at the clock, he was surprised to see it was seven. Blinking, he pulled the gun out again. He didn't want to be late. Pepper might get angry.

Bruce placed the gun in his top drawer, burying it beneath papers, and walked to the closet. All his clothes had been bought by Stark himself, and he picked out a comfortable, nice-looking outfit, getting ready for his evening. The security of knowing he could try again, even if it wouldn't work, was probably the thing that kept him going sometimes. He knew that this wouldn't be one of those times, but there would be others, many others. It hurt, but he decided to enjoy himself for the time being.

He got dressed then walked to the door. Glancing back at the drawer that held the gun, he turned and headed for the living room, pushing the thoughts away, trying to be happy that he was invited for a fun evening even as he thought of escaping his situation. Permanently.


End file.
